About two months ago my life took an unexpected turn, at the time it seemed for the worst but now looking back I realize it was for the better. Our young, juvenile minds believe in the word “forever” when in reality all of those “forevers” last only months. Fortunately I do not regret 99.9% of the decisions I make, whether it’d good or bad, I see them all as life lessons. The way people learn is by experience, and if you don’t go through some bad ones then you are not fulfilling life’s lessons. What I learned on April 21st, 2017 was my worth. This was a huge deal for me, a massive realization that completely changed my life in my favor. For once I began looking for my best interest rather than strolling through as a passenger in my own journey. The best advice I can give anyone is knowing the amount of effort you are worth. You should be receiving back what you are giving into others, never less. I also want to bring up that it is okay to walk away from someone who is too blind to notice your importance. Growing out of toxic relationships will help you in the long run when finding your true self. Do not let one person dictate your growth and endless amounts of opportunities. Go out and flourish towards the world, be the light in someone’s life who does not take that brightness for granted. I am more angry than I am upset. Most of the time people expect you to be constantly breaking out into tears over something mushy like that, but honestly I just really wanna punch something. I will never waste another tear on someone/something that doesn’t even spend a second missing me. This is my time to grow and become myself again. Thankfully I am surrounded by amazing individuals, the most important one being my mom followed by my outstanding friends. Mother’s will always give the best advice in my opinion. Life has thrown them some major curveballs and they take them like champs. As a teenager, I don’t always listen to my mom’s advice, however she ended up being right this time around just like the other thousands of times. Friends on the other hand can be a lot easier to talk to at times, and can relate more to present day relationship issues. Society has lowered the standards for relationships to the bare minimum. It’s upsetting how texting is the main form of communication instead of face to face conversations, or even a phone call. Communication is the most vital key to relationships, without it no issue can be resolved, instead the relationship will become so highly tensed it will end abruptly. My best friends have given me the guidance I need to realize what I deserve in a boy. I don’t know where I would be without them. I am forever grateful that God chose to put such fantastic people in my life.
My next major point I want to talk about is moving on. There is no specific amount time that needs to pass in order for someone to move on. It can be a day, week, month… it doesn’t matter because everyone heals differently! You shouldn’t be shamed for putting yourself back out there. Especially when you didn’t do anything wrong. I do not need to apologize for being in control of my own life, no one else can dictate the decisions I make for my well being. If I meet someone that puts a smile on my face and makes me laugh you best believe I will not pass up on the opportunity. One thing I am very proud of myself for achieving these past couple of weeks is learning not to care what people think or have to say about me. I love the person who I have become, I wouldn’t change a thing about it. I care endlessly for every single person in my life, I put my loved ones before myself, but most importantly I am comfortable in my own skin. There is not a single thing someone can say about me that would make me want to change the slightest thing about who I am, especially ones who did me wrong. What makes me bewildered is someone judging you for moving on?! I am not going to waste my precious time sulking over an irrelevant person who decided to leave my life. End of story.
Finding myself again has been an interesting, yet amazing, experience for me luckily. I am investing my efforts back into things I’ve missed doing, like writing for example. I forgot how much I love getting my thoughts out whether it’d be in my journal or on my blog. Writing is my number one de-stressor. It allows me to escape for awhile and be able to breathe. By making myself focus on a positive activity such as writing, all my energy is being put towards something productive rather than something destructive. It’s a beautiful thing too, seeing what your mind can construe so quickly. Once I start typing, it is extremely difficult for me to stop. I also discovered the vast amounts of free time I have, which has helped me with creating more in-depth friendships further aiding me in this transitioning period. Everything truly does happen for a reason in my defense. Something might drag me to hell and back but I’d still be glad it happened, because in the grand perspective of things, each obstacle makes you a stronger person. I would like to think of myself as a decently strong person. Learning how to deal with life’s dull moments has made me the optimist I’ve always dreamt of being. Seeing the light in every dark corner, being the bigger person, and not letting the little things bring me down helped me find myself again.
We all go through difficult times, but what matters the most is the end result. Did you come out stronger? When you look in the mirror, are you happy with the person you’ve become? Would your past self be proud of where your present day self stands? These are all important questions to ask yourself. This may seem like a bunch of random rambling, let’s just blame it on the 6 expresso shots I’ve had and the gazillion thoughts running through my head. I really wish the best for everyone going through rough times. Just know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, never give up searching for it. You may need some guidance along the way and that’s perfectly okay. Be the change you wish to see and find your true self yet again.